• Styles Yugen

Misery is Numb

I look to the world and find no hope. I look to myself and see no future. And finally I look up to the stars and see everything that I’m never going to experience.

How does one see hope in the world when they’ve forgotten the world can be anything other than hypocritical and cruel? How can one see a future in themself when there’s nothing to see? And finally, how can one see anything but loss between the stars?

The world is nothing but humans trying to make their way. I’m nothing more than one of them. Finally, the stars are the hope in the world, everything that we could have but haven’t achieved yet.

How is it that we’ve made the world into what it is now? How is it that I’m supposed to have hope in a world that’s devoid of the inspiring, the hopeful, and the dreamer? How is it that I’m supposed to believe that the stars are in reach when nobody’s thought to build a starship?

Life is as short as you want it to be, shorter in the unlucky case, and always shorter than someone wants. When all one can do is desperately try to ignore the shitty things in the world, there’s very little energy left for the things that bring the light.

Eventually one forgets what it’s like to have hope.

Eventually one forgets what it’s like to feel anything other than numbness.

Finally, one realizes that they’ve become so desensitized to misery that it’s hard to remember that others aren’t.

Misery is numb. It’s a pit where a good day is something to be celebrated. It’s a place where misery is normal and everything else is strange. It’s looking up at the stars from the bottom of a pit, stuck by chains of your own creation with no way and no will to break.

I look at the world through a filter and see no hope. I look to myself through a filter and see no future. Finally I look to the stars through a filter and see everything that I’m never going to experience.

We put that filter there ourselves, you Magnificent Bastards, but taking it away is a megalithic task that only those who’ve experienced understand.

Misery is numb.

Styles Yugen, signing off.


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Science Fiction and the pursuit of escapism, 2020.