• Styles Yugen


Ever hear of those old mythological creatures? The ones that can turn into bats at will, are afraid of garlic, and don’t have a reflection in a mirror? Vampires. That’s what.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to look into a mirror and not see your reflection. Would it make me feel like I exist less? Maybe I’d get used to it. Maybe I’d figure out a way to make a quick buck off it.

But I know I’d be missing out on being able to rage at myself, to belittle and berate myself for each little mistake I’ve made. Even those that are so ancient nobody but me remembers or cares anymore. It’s an important part of my morning routine, and you might be asking yourself, “Styles, why the hell do you feel the need to self flagellate before a mirror?”

It’s because I start to feel happy if I don’t. I forget all those shitty things that I’ve done, or all the unlucky rolls on the dice that screw me over. I start to become a better person, and that just won’t do.


I self flagellate to make sure I never change. So that I can keep making the same mistakes I beat myself senseless with every morning. So that I stay the shitty old Styles we all know and hate.

After all, what’s the point of growing beyond your mistakes? It’s not like there’s an entire sky out there just waiting, full of opportunity and rainbows and unicorns--those other mythological creatures with one stabby face appendage--for me to take advantage of. No, all that’s waiting for me during my sad little life is my ugly reflection in a broken mirror.

So I’m going to relish it. There’s no point in doing anything else. But maybe some Magnificent Bastard out there will be like the Vampire and ignore their reflection and the self flagellation that goes with it, going out to live their best life with no regrets. But alas, vampires are a myth anyway, so that’ll probably never happen.

Styles Yugen, signing off.

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